04.23.08

Seduction Skills Practice

Posted in Speed Seduction tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , at 3:10 pm by seduction teacher

Question from a Reader:

I ordered the books and read them but I feel like the exercises are hard to remember. Is there some technique to get rid of nervousness in less than 10 seconds?

Derek’s Reply

First things first: you sound too MTV about all this. “Is there some 2 second wish I can make to turn a beer gut into washboard abs without getting off the sofa?”

Yeah, right. These things take practice. That said, once you’re practiced, you CAN change your nervousness to confidence in 10 seconds – but you’ve got to build on PLENTY of practice to get there.

Likewise, the exercises aren’t meant to be memorized and recited for high marks. They’re meant to be practiced – daily if you can.

Get yourself a little corner of space where you work on them. Keep the book handy, and the teacher won’t check if you’re cheating; LOOK UP an exercise if you don’t remember it perfectly.

Then, practice it.

Repeat.

Soon enough, you won’t need the book anymore.

Keep repeating.

Soon enough, you won’t even need the exercises. Not the full ones, anyway.

Because the thing is, these exercises implant new ideas and reactions deep in your subconscious – the hard work is getting it there, but once you have, it doesn’t take much to reawaken the seeds you’ve planted.

So, let’s take your example of nervousness. Here’s an exercise you can do.

1. Go into a deep meditative state using the relaxation exercises from earlier in the book.
2. Allow the nervous feelings to emerge – if you can’t draw purely on the emotion, then remember a situation where you were nervous. Focus on that feeling. Where does it begin in your body? How does it feel?
3. Once you have focused the feeling, bring it to the crown of your head, and then let it descend as a ball of energy to rest in your left palm.
4. Now create a different feeling… one of total relaxation. If need be, think of a time in your past when you were totally relaxed and focus on that feeling. Where does it begin? How do you feel?
5. Once you have focused the feeling, bring it to the crown of your head, and then let it descend as a ball of energy to rest in your right palm.
6. Now bring your hands together and allow the balls to merge, with the relaxed feeling engulfing and swallowing the nervous one.
7. Bring yourself out of your meditative state.

As you can guess, that exercise takes more than 10 seconds. And it’ll take more than one or two runs to take hold.

However, once you’ve got it down, your nervous feelings will actually TRIGGER your feelings of relaxation, since you’ve linked them, with relaxation as the stronger victorious emotion.

In other words, it’ll take less than 10 seconds IN THE END. You might just clap your hands once to remind yourself of the balls mixing, and then boom, there ya go.

Question from a Reader

I’m a pretty shy guy. What advice do you have for ‘shy guys’ such as me when the urge comes to talk to that pretty girl next to him but he doesn’t have the balls?

Derek’s Response

The first time you drove, what did you drive?

Was it a hot sports car, revved to the gills, ready to race?

Or was it the broken-down jalopy that was supposed to be thrown away years ago, but it’d been saved for this moment?

Ok, you trust fund babies aside, we ALL start on something closer to a jalopy. You’re more likely to make a mistake, you’re more likely to GET NERVOUS ABOUT making a mistake, so you start out with something worth as little as possible.

Deal with women the same way.

If you get shy around the hotties of the world, then you shouldn’t start off with the hotties. Because, strange as it may seem, you act like a young kid behind the wheel of a Porsche, with A LOT to lose. Even though you don’t HAVE the girl, you still will be worrying about LOSING her from the get-go.

The answer? Start with the jalopies of the world.

Too old. Too young. Too ugly. Too… blonde, whatever. Don’t try to talk to the girls that make you stutter and stammer, talk to women where you’ve got nothing to lose, women you’re not even ATTRACTEDto.

Talk to at least three a day for a week.

After those 21 women, you should feel a LOT more comfortable approaching and talking to women. Once that happens, you can start talking to women you would actually like to date. And once you’re comfortable with that, you can talk to women you find crazy hot. And then… you’re not a shy guy anymore.

Question from a Reader

What I find hard to do is to keep eye contact with a girl I don’t know while feeling comfortable. How did you become comfortable doing this?

I have been told by many girls that I have very nice eyes. Many times I accidentally catch a woman’s eyes when she’s walking past, but they usually don’t seem to smile, but just have an expressionless face and then look away. From your past experience, can you figure out what is going on here?

Derek’s Response

For keeping eye contact, try not to think about anything. Just picture all your thoughts vanishing from your mind in a big explosion, poof, and the head’s empty. You should be able to hold eye contact a looooong time this way, if necessary.

As far as the smiling, the question is, are YOU smiling? Because in my experience, you tend to get an equal and opposite response to whatever signal you yourself are sending.

Smile, and she’ll smile back. If you look at her with a blank face, she’ll do the same. You’re cuing her – whether you know it or not, so cue her right. Get that smile. By giving one.

Derek Vitalio

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04.15.08

Approaching A Woman

Posted in Speed Seduction tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , at 12:43 pm by seduction teacher

Question from a Reader:

One of the biggest problems I’ve had about approaching is NOT being able to follow up my approach, should I get a good or bad response. Let me give you two examples that happened recently:

1. I was in a bar and approached a group of girls all sitting down having a great time. I said “Hello” to the girl nearest “do you mind if I join you ladies?” with a smile and looked also at the other girls. The girl I spoke to looked at me then, went silent and looked at the girl in front of her with a bashful smile while all the other girls looked at me. One of her friends said “She wasn’t in a talkative mood.” – now I get the impression that these girls were not ‘expecting’ to be approached but also I think I didn’t ‘follow up” properly from the opener to stop that SILENT MOMENT. Now this awkward silent moment puts me out of state so the words don’t come out.

2. I saw a girl walking in the street and, noticing her boots (which were brown), I mentioned “Excuse me, I was looking to buy a present similar to your boots… do you know any shops around here that may sell them?” She mentioned that they weren’t bought locally, but also recommended a few shops. I asked her if she visits these shops often… BUT then the conversation seemed to go pretty mundane and platonic.

Just to let you know, I’m actively applying what I’m learning in Seduction Science, your feedback and some ideas of my own into a personal plan bit by bit.

Derek’s Response:

Ok, the problem in your first scenario was NOT your follow up – it was your LEAD IN.

Your opener in this case is not good – in fact, it says a lot of the wrong things.

First, you’re asking permission. In other words, you’re handing power over to the women, allowing THEM to create your reality for you. NO NO NO! NEVER do that – if you’re going to join, then join with an interesting hook that gets them curious about you. Don’t ask permission – that’s like those people who can never ask a question without starting “Can I ask you a question?”

You just did buddy. Annoying.

Likewise, once you address the group, you’ve joined. Your job is to be playful and interesting enough that they don’t want to throw you out, but instead they want to keep you in the group.

Another thing: judging by your story, it sounds like you interrupted them in the middle of a vibe. While that is occasionally unavoidable, in general EVERY group has silences, dead time, transitional moments… THESE are the times when it’s best to strike.

Enter a vibing group and jar them from their roll, you’ve done something detrimental and you’re going to have to work a lot harder to get accepted.

Enter a resting or bored group and inject some interest, you’ve done something beneficial and you’ll have a LOT more leeway to work with.

Now the second story, you start off strong – with bonus points because you picked out an article that she probably holds in high value (not bought locally = more rare and special).

The problem is you went too long, and you got too mundane. Women are NOT going to be turned on by small talk, and they’re NOT going to want to stand in the middle of the street having a conversation with a stranger too long.

So instead, after you’ve got her talking to you, solicit an opinion. In your case, you could ask her what ELSE would make a good present – since by her boots obviously she has tastes in line.

If you’re in the right area, you could actually ask her to take you to some of the shops she mentions – women love to shop with a guy that wants to be there.

Alternatively, you could say “You know, I find you really interesting, but standing in the middle of the street like this is a bit awkward. Let’s go get some coffee.”

If she’s free, she’ll probably agree. If not, you can get her information and a rain check. Either way you’re continuing up the chain and turning the dial a bit more, step by step getting closer to your goal.

As opposed to regressing into small talk, and depressing your chances. In fact, small talk is SO bad that, no matter how long you’ve talked and no matter what you’re doing next, if you can’t think of anything to say but small talk then instead say “Listen, I have to go, but I’ve enjoyed chatting. Why don’t you give me your email (or phone number) and we’ll get coffee sometime.” Then get out.

Small talk will KILL you. Whereas appearing busy and confident will help. You know what to do next time my man.

Question from a Reader:

Derek, when I’m at work and a cute girl walks in or comes in through the drive thru (I work at a McDonald’s by the way) what’s the best way to pick up on them without looking like I’m hitting on them. Constantly I see these gorgeous women come in or drive through and I’m last as to how I could attract them without looking desperate or like an idiot. Thanks.

Derek’s Response:

Ok, you’ve got three main problems to deal with.

1. Women don’t tend to think about the guy at McDonald’s as lover-man material. While jobs don’t matter nearly as much as we guys think they do, it DOES matter a good bit when you’re trying to pick someone up AT WORK. That’s because, instead of your job being a part of you, it is your known identity. And McDonald’s cashier is not the sort of glamour position you want in that case.

2. Management isn’t going to like it. This sort of thing gets people fired all the time, especially at high turnover jobs.

3. The pace at McDonald’s is FAST, and any extra conversation is going to slow that down. A lot of people are there specifically because they don’t have much time; slowing them down with talk might just be annoying to them, and again, get you in trouble with management.

So what’re you to do?

Personally, I’d just write these women off, or at most use them as practice with your techniques, but not as actual targets. Especially if you value your job.

However, if you insist on going for it, start with a simple super-friendly warm greeting. If you get anything but equal warmth back, write that girl off – she’s in a hurry or pissed or for whatever reason not available now.

If you get a good response, continue with noticing something about her. Make this go FAST – notice something, talk to her about it, and get the info in about 15 seconds. If it takes more than that, sorry buddy, your job is going to get in the way.

So, for example “You have such a great energy. Do you do yoga or something?”

Her: “No, but I work out.”

You: “Maybe that’s it. You know, I really enjoy your energy. Let’s get together after I’ve washed the stink of fry out of my hair. Give me your number.”

While she’s writing it down on a napkin (keep a stack and some pens nearby) you can even help the next customer. If she’s digging you at this point, you can work in a few more techniques while serving others – basically, giving her the intelligent part of your brain while your body performs rote skills. This is good for a minute or two – it gives her a chance to see you as something other than a McDonald’s worker – but don’t go on too long. Excuse yourself, get back to work, and if she’s eating in the restaurant, DON’T constantly glance her way. Once to say goodbye is plenty.
Derek Vitalio

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